Name Change Feels
Feb. 23rd, 2026 04:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gremdarkI'm bracing myself to start the legal process of changing my name next month, which means I need to finally decide what I want it to be. The first and middle names are sorted, and in fact I've used them socially and professionally for my entire adult life. The last name(s) are the issue.
I've written under my mother's maiden name for a while. That side of the family is very tight-knit, with a well documented history that means the world to me. I am generally closer with them. Firstname Maidenname would make sense.
I do not often speak to my father, and his last name is common enough in the United States that it, paired with my similarly-common legal first name, has given me major issues over the years. (Imagine trying to get anything done when your name is John Smith and there are 4300 other John Smiths in every database, some of whom share your exact birthday down to the year. It's a nightmare.) That being said, my father's name is also his father's name, and my grandfather and I are very close.
When my grandfather was a small child, he was forcibly taken into foster care, and records indicate his mother was institutionalized at that time. We do not know his original surname, or indeed if he had a surname prior to being placed in the 1940s foster care system. We know that ours was government-assigned, a common practice at the time where indigenous foster kids were concerned. He has never been able to locate sufficient records to find members of his birth family.
So my last name has always been complicated for me.
On one hand, I think having a less-common surname would make many of my lifelong database issues disappear. On the other hand, I have decidedly mixed feelings about severing a tie to what my grandfather refers to as his "family stump." On the other other hand, I have no other strong emotional connections to the name, and I'd love to gain my mother's maiden name.''
I'm tempted to just have two last names, with or without a hyphen. But the internet says that sometimes creates logistical database issues of the very kind I hope to escape. So here I sit, weighing my options for the millionth time. It's certainly a quagmire.
I've written under my mother's maiden name for a while. That side of the family is very tight-knit, with a well documented history that means the world to me. I am generally closer with them. Firstname Maidenname would make sense.
I do not often speak to my father, and his last name is common enough in the United States that it, paired with my similarly-common legal first name, has given me major issues over the years. (Imagine trying to get anything done when your name is John Smith and there are 4300 other John Smiths in every database, some of whom share your exact birthday down to the year. It's a nightmare.) That being said, my father's name is also his father's name, and my grandfather and I are very close.
When my grandfather was a small child, he was forcibly taken into foster care, and records indicate his mother was institutionalized at that time. We do not know his original surname, or indeed if he had a surname prior to being placed in the 1940s foster care system. We know that ours was government-assigned, a common practice at the time where indigenous foster kids were concerned. He has never been able to locate sufficient records to find members of his birth family.
So my last name has always been complicated for me.
On one hand, I think having a less-common surname would make many of my lifelong database issues disappear. On the other hand, I have decidedly mixed feelings about severing a tie to what my grandfather refers to as his "family stump." On the other other hand, I have no other strong emotional connections to the name, and I'd love to gain my mother's maiden name.''
I'm tempted to just have two last names, with or without a hyphen. But the internet says that sometimes creates logistical database issues of the very kind I hope to escape. So here I sit, weighing my options for the millionth time. It's certainly a quagmire.
